3.25.2010

Where my brain is going these days.

I tend to waver between the pragmatic and the utterly impractical in my decorating.....always trying to find that ever-elusive balance between the two.  I get certain perks when I lean either way, but end up unsatisfied ultimately with either extreme. I know none of you have this issue. Ahem.

I know what I'm drawn to, yet I when I try to imitate those 'looks', something doesn't feel right.  I've gone thru my ruminating exercises with quite a bit of success lately, but I'm still not 'there' yet, ya know?  I do the same in my dressing.  I've been visiting all the blogs I've followed, subscribed to, bookmarked, etc since last August.  Kinda doing the whole "who really speaks to my heart" thing.  Whether in personality, decorating style, and/or dress. What stuff do I LOVE, and what stuff do I simply LIKE and my time would be better spent elsewhere? I'm trying to narrow down my preferences. 
 
For instance, if I could pull it off, I'd dress like Fairmaiden of Sea Cottage in a heartbeat. Soft, flowy skirts and layers all in white or subtle colors.  And birkenstocks.

I love her decorating too.  Airy, beachy, cottagey.  Whites and soft creams with touches of aqua and pink.  Yummy. She has a sweet temperment, and her blog is a taste of bliss each time I visit.  I love her imagination.....


Then there's the strikingly beautiful Kate of Salvage Dior, who always looks like a fashion model and whose decorating style is a fabulous combination of thrifty finds, romantic touches, and lots of white.

  Again, I'm inspired whenever I visit her place.  She's what I'd call a 'classic'.  First class all the way. Determined to make her world better for those she loves.  And a sweetheart to boot.

And you all know Jayme, of Coop Keeper fame....she's a bouncy, energetic, encourager with a sense of humor that knows no bounds.  She always looks 'put together', and adds some whimsy now and then via vintage hair styles, a kitchy apron, or some wicked cool sparkly earrings.

Her farmhouse is warm, inviting, and beautifully decorated with meaningful touches, always with comfort in mind.  She's the mother everyone wanted growing up!

Next is Maggie of the White Farmhouse.  She absolutely cracks me up every.single.time I visit.  She has an edgy realness tucked inside her wit that I so admire.

(This is her profile picture and perfectly encapsulates Maggie!) She's a DIY'er with wonderful taste in decorating too.  Great balance of practical, down-to-earth, up-to-date, vintagey goodness. She's someone I simply *must* meet sometime soon....I just 'get' her. 

There are many, many other talented and beautiful gals who inspire me thru their blogs, but these are some of the very first who drew me to blogging in the first place.  I see lots of myself in each of them in different ways, and I esteem other parts that I *wish* were part of me.  They each have unique 'styles' in their decor, though much is similar.  I want to be all of them when I grow up.

So where does this leave me?  Still trying on styles for myself and my house in life's florescently-lit dressing room.  *sigh*  Sometimes feeling I'm hitting the mark, most times feeling like I'm searching for the proverbial golf ball in the woods. 

It's been helpful to pull away sometimes from the blogworld and my decorating books/mags.  Just 'be' in the house I'm in with the furniture and closet of clothes I have (not to mention the overweight, aging body I'm in).  Focus on the people in my life, the bits and baubles that decorate the moments of my life, not the spaces I move in.  The fourth grade humor that brings out my 10 year old son's brilliant smile and contagious giggles.....the determination and exuberance of my 8 year old as he climbs up the magnolia tree with it's wee buds....the teenage angst over hurtful comments made by friends and the thought that 'that boy' finally texted.....the simple smile of a husband who loves to come home to his family.  It's humbling.  It's what we artists of the sacred home life must do in order to get grounded again and hear our hearts.  Gives us some perspective and turns down the 'gotta do/be' meter that shreds our peace of mind.

Spring is upon us (finally), and it's the perfect time to open the windows of our hearts and air out the stagnant winter list of to-dos that keep us functioning thru cold, grey days.  They've done their job, but now we need freshness fill our minds with renewed hope in and understanding of the most precious parts of our lives....those people, those Works of Art who bring passion and beauty and love and peace and joy to us by just being human beings in relationship with us. 

My hope for this season is to find contentment in the world that surrounds me, not in a perfectly decorated house or body.  I'd like to welcome 'me' back to the conversation and ask her some pretty frank questions.  And to let her have space to to say, "Not now, I'm watching a caterpillar." To give her permission to navel gaze a bit if she wants.  To eat peanut butter and cinnamon toast.

With all this in mind, I've found a tool that I'm learning to wield....and I hope that in eventually using it properly, much of the frustration in 'finding myself/style' will go POOF!  I'm not a 'woo woo' person, but I've always been fascinated with personality typing, body typing, gifting identifiers.....the problem is that I can never quite fit myself into the right 'type'.  I seem to be a mishmash of so many.  And I kinda hate being 'labelled'.  I enjoy being an enigma.....though it can get lonely, and it definitely causes frustration in my day-to-day struggle with being me.

Anyway, I mentioned in a previous post that I've stumbled across an 'energy profiling' program that I'm going thru. My new blog design is the first fruits. Basically, it gives 4 elements from nature, describes their movement and energy and you find which fits you best.  We have all four, but 'lead' with one.  Once you settle on that, you begin to 'live your truth' and 'dress your truth' and I'm hoping to 'decorate my truth'.  Takes away judgement of yourself and others.  Leaves more room to relax and stop comparing and competing.  Also takes away the myriad choices and helps narrow down the field to a manageable size.  Sounds much like what I do with my decorating exercises....and so as I walk thru this course this spring, I hope to share with you what I'm learning.  Maybe together we can stuff down that jealousy monster we women carry on our back that demands attention and wreaks havoc upon our own individual uniqueness.  'Course, maybe it's out in left field, but that would be par for the course in my game.  Hasn't stopped me yet.

Side note:  Went a'thrifting today and scored some pretties.  I'll throw them up here on the blog this weekend methinks.

Side note #2:  I know I have several questions to answer from previous posts, and I promise I'll get to them, but it might take a few days.  Thank you for engaging me, visiting my corner of the blogworld, and letting me be who I am....or at least humoring me as I try to 'create my style'.

17 comments:

♥ Sonny ♥ said...
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♥ Sonny ♥ said...
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fairmaiden said...

You are so sweet<3 Thank you for the lovely words you share about me. I believe we are all innerwoven together and together we make this world a more beautiful place...each of us is a jewel, a pearl in the strand, sparkling bright.

Beth@The Stories of A to Z said...

I love the honest spirit in which you live, breathe, and blog in! You and I share that honesty thing which is what draws me to you :). I'd actually never heard of any of the bloggers you highlighted, so thanks for introducing me to some new inspiration. Finding and being content with who and what we are is quite a quest for us all. You're not alone in your struggles.

The White Farmhouse said...

OMG! You brought me to tears including me like that. I do beleive that is the nicest compliment that I have ever been given. You are just too sweet. I don't know what I have in common with those other beauties that you admire though. Shucks, I might just have to wear my "going out" jammies when we meet!

Kate said...
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Tina said...

Hi Cindy ~ wonderful post. Thanks for inroducing me to these lovely bloggers, I am off now to have a peek at their blogs:) I hope you have a wonderful weekend ~ Tina x

Pati @ A Crafty Escape said...

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that's lost and trying to find my way... thanks for sharing!

fairfieldhouse said...

Be a daisy or a rose -- they are all flowers but different. Yet, one is no more beautiful than the other.

Deborah

Kate said...

Cindy,
I was so touched by your post I wanted to add something. You have such a beautiful spirit and you have always cheered me on through thick and thin. I love that about you!!! I think you are so totally cool really love your style, energy and think you are your own Diva Devine on the blog. Here's to you finding all of your truths.

Love ya
Kate

Victoria said...

I think that's such a big part of the blogging world, we get to "shop around" and see so many different styles...it's so much fun but does boggle the mind at times!

Traci at ThreeDogsAtHome said...

I always love your very introspective posts, they make me think about the choices I make. Due to a recent illness I have needed to make some tough choices on how to spend my time and energy. Very little of that energy goes to worrying what others think about me. This has been very freeing and now I spend what energy I have on doing things that I want or like, the only one I need to consider is my husband. I have been surprised each time you have mentioned that you are torn because the style of your home seems balanced, well designed and very much a home and not a magazine cover. It seems to me you pick and choose what you like and then incorporate it into your decor.I see your style as very unique, Just remember that there are bloggers who could love to copy your style. You must be doing something right.

A Cottage Muse said...

So glad I stopped by...very thoughtful post! I feel like that so often ~ love your answer to those feelings. Thank you!

Marianne@Songbird said...

Oh I know where you are coming from. Finding my own style is so difficult. Whenever I see a gorgeous house or outfit I immediately think, 'that is my style', only to think that again five minutes later. Slowly but surely I am finding my 'self' in there somewhere and I must say this hole blogging thing is helping me big time.

Polly said...

Hi Cindy, Blogging is a blessing because of all the ideas, but blogging is also a deterrent because of all the IDEAS!! Sometimes I find it to be a tad bit overwhelming because I think I love so many different styles. Also, I've found it can be hard to try to recreate a look I've seen somewhere using what I have. I can't just go out and buy new furniture all the time!! I've learned over the past five years that I need to be true to myself, and when I do that, those are the spaces I love the most!

Polly

Jayme, The Coop Keeper said...

Oh my sweet Cindy. I'm so glad you live in this state. It would be hard to be further from you. You are a balm to my soul and spirit and I'm so glad that our blogs have brought us together. Thanks for including me in your list! I'm humbled and flattered. Looking so forward to talking. Serious love sent your way....

Anonymous said...

Well well, behind by a few months as usual, Mom just caught a glimpse of your ruminant posts from spring. YOU are a writer, my dear, and it makes me happy to see all I know of you springing up on the page -- silly, serious, intro-spective, extro-verted, A.D.D. within the "normal" range (but why be "normal" as your T-shirt from Wildwood said 17 short years ago), curious, uncertain, VERY observant of both our material surroundings and the human condition -- keep on Being -- gather the moments! Mom

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