I know I need real life friends (the above pic is of some of my girls several years ago, though I only stay in touch with 3 of them now...I posted it to remind myself that yes, I *can* make friends), but I must say I was completely overwhelmed by all your comments on yesterday's post. And this really weird thing happened as I read each and every one several times over....peace came. I didn't feel so gosh-darn overwhelmed and alone.
I've always been one to tell myself to remember online friends are just that...online. They can't help you when life smacks you upside the head....and yet. And yet. Knowing you each took the time to write supportive, encouraging words, offer empathy and understanding without judgment....it cut me to the quick. It really helped. I've tried to respond personally to each of you who commented or (unless I got the dreaded 'noreply-comment@blogger' return address), but I wanted to say again here that each day brings new clarity, and new hope, even though the layers are still being pulled back. I'm gonna have to go even deeper into my own reactions and emotions and dig some more. But I feel safe. I feel carried.
My spirituality has evolved so much over the last decade, and though I don't share about that stuff here 'cause I like to keep things pretty light and fluffy on this blog, I do appreciate the positive energy that comes from knowing so many have had me and my family in their thoughts, prayers, and hearts. Knowing so many mamas out there know the familiar pain, disappointment, self-deprecation, disillusionment, frustration, and fury with kids who make truly harmful, unwise decisions.....is there anything as potent as a mother's emotional attachment to her babies? How is it we can feel such horrendous pain and anger, and yet be so fiercely committed to the well-being and happiness of our kids when they act like, well, kids? Sometimes the power of my emotions scares me. I know it scares my kids, which is prolly what led to some of the previously-mentioned you-know-what hitting the fan on Monday.
Anyone know where I can pick up a handy parenting manual? My kids didn't come with instructions, or perhaps they were written in Chinese and I got lost in the translation. This only I know: